Wanderlust

Wanderlust: A strong longing for or impulse toward wandering. A strong desire to travel.

Honestly, I think if you ask most people if they like to travel they’ll say yes. People may not like planes, they may hate to pack, they may love sleeping in their own bed, but when it comes down to it most of them still love to travel to a new or foreign place. Well, I’m starting yet another adventure three weeks from today. Blogging has always been my friend when it comes time to make crazy life-altering decisions so I figured I should probably come back and get comfortable because this one’s going to be a doozy. I’m moving to Germany for a year to be an au pair. (If you don’t know what an au pair is, click the link.)

For all the poor souls that have heard the word “Germany” more than any one person should, I do sincerely apologize. I feel constantly annoying these days. But I can’t help it. Just as when I was 18 and packing to move to New York, just as when I was 19 and packing to move to Orlando, this is both an exciting and a terrifying time for me. I’m leaving Orlando in a week to spend a couple weeks at home before I go, and I find myself asking the same questions I do every time. “How can I leave my home? My friends? My family? My LIFE?” I will be back in a year, but in college years that’s about ten. Most everybody I know now will be graduated, possibly have already moved on from Orlando. I’m still taking online classes while I’m gone, but even still, this trip is pushing my graduation back a little so I’ll have a couple semesters to complete upon my return.

And then when I realize that the reason I’m doing this is because it’s the most amazing opportunity I’ve ever been given, I feel a little more bolstered. This is right. This is amazing. But that doesn’t make it less sad. I’m going to miss my nephew. He’s over a year and half old now. He’ll be the better part of THREE YEARS OLD when I get back. I’m going to miss Cheryl. Who am I going to celebrate Galentine’s Day with? I’m going to miss my family, friends, Esme (the dog), my cute little house, my bedroom, Lazy Moon (pizzzzaaaa), you name it, I’ve probably thought about missing it in the past week.

And what happens if my host family hates me? Especially Sophia. It’s no use telling me they’ll love me because A) I’ve already been told that and B) Deep down I’m sure they won’t reallllly hate me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m absolutely terrified that either they won’t like me or at least it’ll take a while for them to warm up to me. I want them to love me and I want to love them back but I’m scared and when I get scared I picture them really finding me annoying.

Will I make friends? Throughout my life I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with the ability to make friends. How does this hold up in a foreign country? Where am I to meet said friends? Will I end up spending every night alone in my bedroom watching Netflix? I want so much to travel and I swear I’ll do it alone if I have to but I’d really rather have a friend to do it with. I tend to think travelling with a friend is funner and I don’t really like getting mugged so that’s a thing too…

What happens when I come back? Sometimes I think back to my time in New York and almost wish it had never happened simply because I loved it so much. If I had never gone, I would never have had to feel the heartbreak of leaving. Will it be the same way for Europe? Will I bring home a heavy sadness in addition to my wonderful experiences?

Are you beginning to understand where my head is at right now? This being my last week in Orlando is really helping me to realize how soon I’m leaving. It feels so final sometimes. I couldn’t be more excited but I’m feeling a lot of other things right now too. This is meant to be my “I’m Back!/Update About My Life” blog post. So…I’m back!

See ya in Deutschland kiddos.