Thanksgiving Breakdown

Because I’m in Germany this year, Thanksgiving was a little different. Karin and I hosted dinner for twelve people which is way beyond what I’ve contributed to the Thanksgivings of years past. Her and I spent some of Wednesday and all of Thursday creating this amazing meal. Because I’m me, I kept a running log throughout the process.

Tuesday
4:07 PM – I’m crafty as fuck so I just produced this gem: 

I am thankful for

Would’ve been nice to remember that America and Canada are the ONLY two countries in the world that use 8.5×11 as their standard paper size, but oh well.

Wednesday
7:05 PM – Just made the fourth Thanksgiving-related trip to the store. Two of those have happened within the last hour.

9:02 PM – Made stuffing and watched Karin handle a cold, dead bird with a steady ass hand. Impressed.

9:30 PM – Decided that one of the many reasons I find giblets horribly disgusting is that they’re called giblets which is a horribly disgusting word. Also, I find it gross because that shit is just gross.

Thursday
7:30 AM – Woke up at 7:30 and briefly contemplated ways to cancel Thanksgiving because 7:30 should only exist in PM form.

8:10 AM – Stuffed the CRAP out of that bird. Yeah. That turkey knows what’s up.

10:35 AM – Discovered I’m growing a massive zit in my ear and proceeded to feel blinding pain after discovering it. TMI? This is Thanksgiving, people. No such thing as TMI in a time like this. I put it ALL on the table. (That was a Thanksgiving pun, my friends.)

10:42 AM – Realized my day is nowhere near as busy as I thought it would be. Like, I have things to do, but they don’t really have to do with Thanksgiving. So…I guess I’ll go take a shower.

11:04 AM – Finished the cupcakes. Other than my sudden inability to make a frosting with the right consistency that has plagued me since coming here, they seem pretty legit.

11:30 AM – Perfected (almost) my homemade eggnog. I have a great recipe, but I really like the store bought taste. Classy, I know. I found out this flavor can be achieved by adding in lots of rum flavoring and sugar. Thanks, internet! Side note: Thanks to having to taste said eggnog 57 times while fiddling with it, I got a stomach ache because sometimes enough is enough. Even when it comes to eggnog.

12:30 PM – Finally took a shower because for the love of God…ew.

1:15 PM – Ate lunch because lunch is great. As is Karin, the woman that keeps me fed on the reg.

2:05 PM – Peeled a lot of potatoes and cut up a lot of pumpkin.

3:07 PM – Realize that people who host Thanksgiving dinner without having everyone bring a dish (like my family does at home) are unsung holiday heroes. It’s 3:00 in the afternoon and I’m tired as hell and Karin is either tired too and amazing at hiding it, or she’s Superwoman. Either is a viable possibility.

4:00 PM – Set the table like a badass. That shit had tablecloths, fall colored napkins, the cornily adorable card shown above, and some festive ass candles.

4:17 PM – Nothing. I’m doing nothing. I’m drinking a cup of coffee I’m ready for bed and dinner is still five hours away. I AM AN ADULT. THIS SHOULDN’T BE SO HARD.

7:30 PM – The time is nearly here. Still a decent amount of food to cook since a lot of stuff only takes a little while to cook. But everything is pretty damn ready for when the time comes. The turkey is doing great, that little trooper.

9:00 PM –  People come. General merriment ensues.

10:30 PM – I keep thinking of things to write in my Thanksgiving timeline. Shit is getting REAL SENTIMENTAL in my head right now.

11:17 PM – I am now certain I’m thankful for every single thing everywhere.

11:48 PM – Wine is good.

12:57 AM – People have left. I’m kind of drunk. So happy about my life. I love everything.

1:30 AM – Time to skype my sister because that’s the thing to do when you’re a little drunk, tired, and full of the holiday spirit.

Friday
10:32 AM – I feel like I’ve died and this is the sad leftovers of what I once was. (Note: I was not THAT drunk. I just have a tendency to get really, really bad hangovers.)

10:49 AM – Someone has cleaned the entire kitchen. Something tells me it wasn’t the cleaning fairies.

1:30 PM – Karin made an awesome lunch. I slept on the couch while she and Sophia enjoyed it.

7:22 PM – Karin made me the food they had for lunch because she’s the best person on the entire planet. I’m still thankful for life.

Final notes: I tried really hard to make this post only funny and not mushy. That got really hard because honestly this is the most special Thanksgiving I think I’ve ever had. Mine at home are always nice, but this one just meant so much more because Karin and I created it together and even though it’s only an American holiday I had a houseful of wonderful Germans here to celebrate the crap out of it. Karin, if you happen to read this, what I am crazy thankful for this Thanksgiving is you. And I mean that in the most mushy, gushy, sentimental way possible.

And now for a heartwarming collage to top it off:

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